The Wooster Papers

Books

The Inimitable Jeeves

1923. 18 chapters, 105 scenes.

Chapter 1: Jeeves Exerts the old Cerebellum

  1. Over morning tea Jeeves advises against backing Privateer, reveals he has sent back Bertie's mauve shirts, and reports that Bingo Little rang about a matter of importance.Chapter 1, Bertie's flatAn illustrationIt's a topping morning, Jeeves. • 'Decidedly, sir.' 'Spring and all that.' • Yes, sir.Right from the first day he came to me, I have looked on Jeeves as a sort of guide, philosopher, and friend.
  2. Bertie meets Bingo in the park wearing a ghastly tie, and Bingo confesses he is in love with a girl called Mabel.Chapter 1, Hyde ParkI ran into young Bingo Little, looking perfectly foul in a crimson -satin tie decorated with horseshoes.
  3. At a tea-shop near the Ritz Bingo introduces Mabel the waitress and begs Bertie to get Jeeves to find a way of breaking the news to his uncle.Chapter 1, the tea-shopMabel," said Bingo, ' this is Bertie Wooster, a pal of mine.
  4. Jeeves reveals his understanding with Mortimer Little's cook and proposes that Bingo read Rosie M. Banks novels to his gouty uncle to soften him up about marrying a waitress.Chapter 1, Bertie's flat

Chapter 2: No Wedding Bells for Bingo

  1. Over an egg beaten up in sherry, a hoarse Bingo reports that the Rosie M. Banks novels are winning over his uncle and that he has a pippin of an idea to clinch things.Chapter 2
  2. Bertie tells Jeeves the scheme is working and praises his brains as unrivalled.Chapter 2, Bertie's flat
  3. Bingo announces that his recovered uncle wants Bertie to lunch, and bullies a reluctant Bertie into breaking the news of his engagement to the old man.Chapter 2, Bertie's flatCheerio!' said young Bingo. *One-thirty to-morrow. Don't be late.
  4. Hailed by old Little as the author of Rosie M. Banks's novels, Bertie wins his blessing for Bingo's marriage to a waitress, but learns the allowance cannot be raised because old Little is marrying his cook.Chapter 2, No. 16, Pounceby GardensHalf a minute later I was shaking hands with the fattest man I have ever seen in my life.It was the lunch of a life- time, but I might have been eating sawdust for all the good it did me.
  5. Bertie breaks it to Jeeves that his fiancée Miss Watson is marrying old Little, and Jeeves reveals he wanted just that, since his new understanding is with Bingo's waitress.Chapter 2, Bertie's flat

Chapter 3: Aunt Agatha Speaks her Mind

  1. Bertie reflects that Bingo has bounced back from losing his girl and that, with winning horses and Aunt Agatha away in France, life has never been chirpier.Chapter 3An illustration
  2. A letter from Aunt Agatha summons Bertie to Roville, and his only consolation is the chance to wear his scarlet cummerbund.Chapter 3, the sitting-room
  3. At the Splendide Aunt Agatha tells Bertie he must marry the saintly Aline Hemmingway and introduces him to her and her curate brother Sidney.Chapter 3, the Hotel Splendide
  4. Booked to take the Hemmingways for a drive, Bertie puts on the cummerbund over Jeeves's protests, and relations turn frosty.Chapter 3, Bertie's suiteJeeves shied like a startled mustang. "I beg your pardon, sir," he said. "You are surely not proposing to appear in public in that thing ?
  5. After a mouldy drive with the Hemmingways Bertie asks Jeeves for help about Aunt Agatha's marriage plan, but the still-offended Jeeves has nothing to suggest.Chapter 3, Bertie's suite

Chapter 4: Pearls Mean Tears

  1. The Hemmingways talk Bertie into lending a hundred pounds against a case of pearls, which proves empty, but Jeeves, who has recognised Soapy Sid, has picked the real pearls from his pocket and reveals they are Aunt Agatha's.Chapter 4, Bertie's suiteBefore I knew what was happening, the girl had darted at me, kissed me, and legged it from the room.
  2. Bertie produces the stolen pearls in Aunt Agatha's suite, tells her Miss Hemmingway stole them, and lectures her for her carelessness and for pushing him to marry a thief.Chapter 4, Aunt Agatha's suiteI pulled the pearls out of the drawer and held them up. "I say, don't want to interrupt you and all that sort of thing, but aren't these the little chaps?
  3. Bertie offers Jeeves twenty quid and hands over the cummerbund, telling him to give it to the deserving poor.Chapter 4, Bertie's suiteIt was a wrench, but I did it. I unstripped the cummerbund and handed it over.

Chapter 5: The Pride of the Woosters is Wounded

  1. Bertie overhears Jeeves telling his holiday substitute that Mr Wooster is pleasant but mentally negligible, and goes out brooding.Chapter 5, Bertie's flatAn illustration
  2. At Buck's, Bingo Little, now tutoring the Glossop kid at Ditteredge, declares at the top of his voice that he worships Honoria Glossop.Chapter 5, Buck'sThere was no mistaking it. The love-light was in the blighter's eyes.
  3. Over lunch Aunt Agatha announces that Bertie is to marry Honoria Glossop and must go down to Ditteredge Hall tomorrow.Chapter 5
  4. Determined to score off Jeeves by escaping on his own, Bertie tells him he is in a difficulty but declines his help.Chapter 5, Bertie's flatJeeves,' I said, 'I'm in a bit of a difficulty,
  5. At Ditteredge Bertie meets the supercilious Oswald and hatches a Jeeves-like scheme: he will push the boy off the bridge so that Bingo can rescue him under Honoria's eyes.Chapter 5, the grounds

Chapter 6: The Hero’s Reward

  1. Bertie hints to Honoria of a shy admirer, pushes Oswald off the bridge, finds Bingo has not turned up, dives in uselessly while Oswald swims ashore, and Honoria takes it all as a roundabout proposal and decides to take him in hand.Chapter 6, the lakeThere was scream in the offing, and a • Help!' I shouted. I say! Help! • splash.Oh, Bertie, you are funny!
  2. On the stairs Bingo explains he never hid in the bushes because he fell in love at first sight with Daphne Braythwayt, and Bertie walks away from him.Chapter 6, Ditteredge Hall
  3. Bertie gets a letter from Jeeves about an enjoyable bathe and goes down hollowly to have Honoria read Ruskin to him.Chapter 6, Ditteredge Hall

Chapter 7: Introducing Claude and Eustace

  1. At lunch Honoria announces Bertie must get rid of Jeeves when they marry, and Aunt Agatha then warns him that Sir Roderick Glossop, doubting his sanity, is coming to lunch at his flat next day.Chapter 7, Aunt Agatha's house
  2. Out for a stroll, Bertie is waylaid by Claude, Eustace and Lord Rainsby, up from Oxford for the day, and Eustace touches him for a fiver.Chapter 7, Hyde Park Corner
  3. Bertie rushes back to his flat, checks Jeeves's austere menu for Sir Roderick, and braces himself as the bell rings.Chapters 7–8, the sitting-room

Chapter 8: Sir Roderick Comes to Lunch

  1. Bertie rushes back to his flat, checks Jeeves's austere menu for Sir Roderick, and braces himself as the bell rings.Continued from chapter 7
  2. The cats bolt from the bedroom and Lord Rainsby explains the thefts were for the Seekers club, then borrows a tenner to bail out the arrested twins.Chapter 8, Bertie's flat
  3. Jeeves returns, Aunt Agatha telephones in a state, Bertie realises the engagement is off and Jeeves engineered it, and Jeeves books passage to New York.Chapter 8, Bertie's flat

Chapter 9: A Letter of Introduction

  1. Bertie reflects on the menace of letters of introduction and explains why he welcomed Cyril, bearing a civil one from Aunt Agatha, as a Dove of Peace.Chapter 9An illustration
  2. Jeeves sends the early-calling Cyril away, brings Bertie the letter from Aunt Agatha asking him to look after Cyril, and grudgingly hands over the purple socks.Chapter 9, Bertie's New York flat
  3. Lunching with George Caffyn at the Lambs Club, Bertie learns from Jeeves that Cyril has been arrested and wants bailing out.Chapter 9, the Lambs Club
  4. At the police station Cyril, sporting a black eye, explains he shoved a policeman he took for a postman, and Bertie bails him out after introducing him to George.Chapter 9, the police stationPRESENTLY A POLICEMAN APPEARED, LEADING IN CYRIL.
  5. Brooding over Cyril, Bertie receives Aunt Agatha's cable forbidding him to introduce Cyril into theatrical circles, but is too proud to ask the cold Jeeves's advice.Chapter 9, Bertie's New York flat
  6. Cyril gleefully announces that George has given him a part in Ask Dad, which his father would never allow, and George on the telephone refuses to drop him.Chapter 9, Bertie's New York flat
  7. Bertie wakes Jeeves to ask how to stop Cyril going on the stage, and Jeeves promises to give the matter his best consideration.Chapter 9, Bertie's New York flat

Chapter 10: Startling Dressiness of a Lift Attendant

  1. Cyril rehearses his tiny part at Bertie day and night while Bertie dreads Aunt Agatha and Jeeves stays cold about the purple socks.Chapter 10
  2. Clutching Aunt Agatha's threatening letter, Bertie bursts into the kitchen to find Jeeves entertaining a valet and a freckled boy who sizes him up and declares his pop is richer.Chapter 10, the kitchen
  3. Jeeves reads the letter without a solution; Cyril arrives for costume advice and the boy calls him Fish-face, provoking a scuffle and a hint that Jeeves paid him a dollar to do it.Chapter 10, the sitting-roomTHE CHILD REMAINED THERE, DRINKING CYRIL IN FOR ABOUT HALF A MINUTE; THEN HE GAVE HIS VERDICT: 'FISH-FACE !
  4. At the dress-rehearsal of Ask Dad, Blumenfield's son condemns Cyril as the ugly one with a face like a fish, Cyril threatens to spank him, and Blumenfield fires Cyril on the spot.Chapter 10, Blumenfield's theatreAn illustrationYOU'RE FIRED!' BELLOWED OLD BLUMENFIELD, SWELLING A GOOD BIT MORE. 'GET OUT OF MY THEATRE!
  5. Cyril calls to say he has nobly resigned from the show out of duty to his father and is off to Washington, and Jeeves allows that young Blumenfield may have overheard his views on Cyril and the stage.Chapter 10, Bertie's bedroom
  6. Bertie, resolved to give up the purple socks as Jeeves's reward, finds the lift attendant already wearing them and thanking him for the gift.Chapter 10, the lift

Chapter 11: Comrade Bingo

  1. In the park Bertie meets Bingo's uncle, now Lord Bittlesham and owner of Ocean Breeze, and the two are loudly abused by a bearded Red Dawn orator.Chapter 11, Hyde ParkAn illustrationI saw that the bearded chappie as pointing at us see two typical members of the class which has down-trodden the poor for centuries.
  2. Bingo reveals he was the bearded orator, explains he is courting the revolutionary Charlotte Rowbotham, and invites himself and her family to tea at Bertie's flat.Chapter 11, the Drones Club
  3. Bertie tells Jeeves to watch Bingo's friends closely and to lay in muffins and sardines, at which Jeeves shudders.Chapter 11, Bertie's flat
  4. Bingo's bearded arrival rattles Jeeves, the Revolutionaries wolf the tea, Rowbotham rebukes Jeeves for servility and Comrade Butt sulks with jealousy.Chapter 11, Bertie's flatI had forgotten to warn Jeeves about the beard, and it came on him absolutely out of a blue sky.A. 041113 I was appalled at the way the sons and daughter of the Revolution shoved their heads down and went for the foodstuffs.
  5. Jeeves reports that Charlotte was roguishly slapping Bingo in the passage under Butt's jealous eye, but declines to offer any advice.Chapter 11, Bertie's flat

Chapter 12: Bingo has a Bad Goodwood

  1. Bertie meets a terrified Lord Bittlesham with Bingo, who privately admits he wrote the threatening letter himself to get a fifty-pound cheque to put on Ocean Breeze.Chapter 12, St James's Street
  2. Bingo drops out of sight, and Jeeves reports that he has chatted with a gloomy Butt, whom Bingo has eclipsed with Charlotte.Chapter 12
  3. Ocean Breeze loses, Bingo in his beard denounces his uncle to the crowd, and Butt tears off the beard to reveal him as Bittlesham's nephew before a policeman hauls both away.Chapter 12, GoodwoodA .w.M; The policeman was shoving his way back through the crowd, with Bingo in his right hand and Comrade Butt in his left.
  4. Jeeves admits he let slip Bingo's identity to Butt, ending both Bingo's romance with Charlotte, and Bertie tells him to collar all the money on the dressing-table.Chapter 12, Bertie's bedroom at the flat

Chapter 13: The Great Sermon Handicap

  1. Sweltering in London, Bertie gets a letter from his cousin Eustace at Twing urging him to come down for a sporting event, with a baffling race-card of clergymen for a 'Sermon Handicap' on the back, and decides to go.Chapter 13, Bertie's flatAn illustration
  2. Arriving late for dinner at Twing Hall, Bertie sits next to Cynthia, who points out the local clergy and complains that Bingo keeps gazing at her oddly, which Bertie diagnoses as love.Chapter 13, the dining-roomTell me, Bertie, is Mr. Little at all weak in the head? I don't mean simply because he's a friend of yours.
  3. Bertie finds Bingo in his room, over Charlotte and now madly in love with Lady Cynthia, and is shooed away so Bingo can write poetry to her.Chapter 13, Bingo's room
  4. Bingo reads Bertie his poem to Cynthia, then Claude and Eustace burst in to explain Steggles's book on the Sermon Handicap and why Heppenstall is a sitter, and Bertie agrees to finance the syndicate while Jeeves declines a flutter.Chapter 13, Twing HallWhat the devil are you talking about ? "* "I'm reading you my poem. The one I wrote to Cynthia last night.
  5. The syndicate backs Heppenstall at seven to one, he preaches thirty-six minutes and Steggles cuts his odds, and then the twins report that G. Hayward of Lower Bingley is a dark horse, so Bertie plans to ask Heppenstall to preach his Brotherly Love sermon.Chapter 13, Twing Hall
  6. Bertie persuades a flattered Heppenstall to preach his fifty-minute sermon on Brotherly Love, uncut, next Sunday.Chapter 13, Twing VicarageLong?" I said. " Why, my goodness! You don't call that Brotherly Love sermon of yours long, do you?
  7. Eustace phones to say Heppenstall has hay-fever and will be scratched, and Bertie has him hedge another fiver all round on G. Hayward.Chapter 13, Twing Hall
  8. Bertie cycles to Lower Bingley and clocks G. Hayward at thirty-five minutes fourteen seconds, apparently a certain winner.Chapter 13, Lower Bingley
  9. Heppenstall's note reveals that Bates is preaching the Brotherly Love sermon at Gandle-by-the-Hill, on which Jeeves has a tenner thanks to inside information from Brookfield, and Bingo learns that Bates is engaged to Cynthia.Chapter 13, Twing HallSo you had inside informa- tion, dash it?" said young Bingo.

Chapter 14: The Purity of the Turf

  1. Bingo proposes betting on Steggles's book for the school-treat sports, Bertie forms a syndicate with Jeeves, and Jeeves tips Harold the page-boy for the Choir-Boys' Handicap.Chapter 14, Bertie's room at TwingThe PURITY OF THE TURF P.G.WODEHOUSE AWAREAS MILESLet's suppose that you and Jeeves entered. Jeeves would stand at a fixed point holding a potato. You would have your head in a sack, and would grope about trying to find Jeeves and making a noise like a cat.
  2. From the passage-window Bertie watches Harold leave the second footman standing, and declares the Wooster shirt goes on the boy.Chapter 14, the passage-windowSomething round and blue and buttony shot through the back-door and buzzed for the archway like a mustang.
  3. Bertie gets the syndicate's money on Harold at a hundred-to-twelve and Harold is put into reluctant training.Chapter 14
  4. Bingo admits he let Steggles see Harold sprint on the links, and Bertie fears Steggles will try to nobble the favourite.Chapter 14, Twing Hall
  5. Bingo, off to London with Egbert, insists Bertie go to evening service to guard Harold, who is on his last warning in the choir.Chapter 14, Twing Hall
  6. Harold breaks up Heppenstall's sermon with piercing squeals and is marched off to the vestry.Chapter 14, Twing church
  7. Heppenstall disbelieves Harold's beetle story and expels him from the choir, and Steggles tells Bertie his bets are lost.Chapter 14, the vestry
  8. Jeeves takes the news calmly and reveals he had Bingo back the outsider Prudence Baxter in the Egg and Spoon Race.Chapter 14, Twing Hall
  9. Steggles nobbles Mrs Penworthy with cake, Prudence Baxter finishes down the field, but Heppenstall disqualifies the first four for taking a manservant's bribe and gives Prudence the prize.Chapter 14, the Hall groundsSarah Mills came past and home on a tight rein by several lengths, a popular winner.

Chapter 15: The Metropolitan Touch

  1. Bingo wires that he is in love at last, and Jeeves, already informed by Brookfield, identifies the girl as Mary Burgess and urges Bertie to go to Twing and help.Chapter 15, Bertie's flatAn illustration
  2. Bingo marches Bertie across ploughed fields to catch a glimpse of Mary, who passes with her brother, her dog and the curate while Bingo is too awed to speak.Chapter 15
  3. Jeeves explains that the curate Wingham is Bingo's favoured rival and advises Bingo to make friends with Mary's small brother.Chapter 15, Twing Hall
  4. Bingo takes Jeeves's tip, befriends Wilfred and is soon walking out with Mary and the boy.Chapter 15, Twing HallThe brother was forming a bond. She and Bingo used to take him for walks together. awer
  5. A despairing second telegram arrives from Bingo, and Jeeves offers to go down to Twing alone to investigate.Chapter 15, Bertie's flat
  6. Jeeves reports that Steggles is making a book on the romance and lured Bingo into an eating contest that made Wilfred ill and turned Mary against him; he has advised Bingo to take up good works.Chapter 15, Bertie's flat
  7. Bertie finds Bingo asleep in his bed; Bingo explains that good works have softened Mary and that, with Wingham down with mumps, he has taken over the village Christmas Entertainment and is in town to pinch material from revues.Chapter 15, Bertie's flat
  8. Bingo sends a huge poster for 'What Ho, Twing!!', and Jeeves doubts that the metropolitan touch will suit the provinces.Chapter 15, Bertie's flatGood Lord, Jeeves!" I said. "What on earth's that?" "Mr. Little sent it to me, sir, and desired me to bring it to your notice.
  9. Bingo's revue collapses as the lights fail, the Squire is called on to sing and walks out, and Steggles's real oranges cause a riot, after which Mary throws Bingo over and he flees the mob through the cellar.Chapter 15, Twing Village HallThe Tough Eggs had begun to pick up all the oranges that hadn't burst and were shooting them back, so that the audience got it both coming and going.
  10. The Morning Post announces Mary's engagement to Wingham, and Jeeves reveals that he and Brookfield bought the Cow and Horses book and made a handsome profit.Chapter 15, Bertie's flat

Chapter 16: The Delayed Exit of Claude and Eustace

  1. Aunt Agatha orders Bertie to put up the twins Claude and Eustace, sent down from Oxford, for their last night before sailing for South Africa, and Jeeves stays frosty over Bertie's new spats.Chapter 16, Bertie's flatAn illustrationJeeves gave one frosty look at the spats and biffed off.
  2. The twins breeze into the flat, correct the story of their expulsion, and announce they mean to make a night of it at Ciro's.Chapter 16, Bertie's flat
  3. Bertie flags through a night at Ciro's and chemmy while the twins go strong until nine in the morning, when he says goodbye and staggers to bed.Chapter 16, Ciro's
  4. Claude, then Eustace, turns up at Bertie's bedside, each having given the other the slip at Waterloo for love of Marion Wardour, and both settle in at the flat.Chapter 16, Bertie's flatClaude hearly had a relapse when he saw his bally brother goggling at him over the bed-rail.
  5. Aunt Agatha frets that the twins may have come to harm, because Uncle George has seen the 'phantasm' of Eustace in the street.Chapter 16, Bertie's flat
  6. Told to stop wandering about London, the twins decide to go about in whiskers and false noses, and Jeeves offers Bertie no sympathy.Chapter 16, Bertie's flat
  7. Marion Wardour complains to Bertie, with Jeeves in the room, that the twins are hounding her, and shows the gold cigarette-case Claude forced on her.Chapter 16, Bertie's flatJeeves came in with the tea, but the poor girl was so worked up that she didn't wait for him to pop off before going on with her complaint
  8. With Eustace hiding under the sofa, Aunt Agatha orders Bertie to take Uncle George to Harrogate after a whiskered burglar stole his cigarette-case, and Eustace realises Claude robbed their uncle.Chapter 16, Bertie's flat
  9. With the twins not speaking, Claude suddenly announces he will sail for South Africa tomorrow and begs Bertie to say nothing to Eustace.Chapter 16, Bertie's flat
  10. Jeeves reveals Eustace has booked a berth on the same boat, and Bertie crows that things sorted themselves out without Jeeves's help.Chapter 16, the kitchen
  11. Marion's fiver for Jeeves reveals that his ruse of her sailing to South Africa got rid of the twins, his pick-me-up has cured Uncle George of Harrogate, and Bertie gives up the spats, which Jeeves has already burned.Chapter 16, Bertie's flat

Chapter 17: Bingo and The Little Woman

  1. Lunching Bingo at the Senior Liberal Club while the Drones is being cleaned, Bertie watches him fall instantly in love with their waitress.Chapter 17, the Senior Liberal ClubAn illustrationI looked up, and found that his attention was elsewhere.
  2. Bertie warns Jeeves to stand by, as Bingo is in love for about the fifty-third time.Chapter 17, Bertie's flat
  3. Bingo, now engaged to the waitress, talks Bertie into posing again as Rosie M. Banks to win back his allowance from his uncle, starting with a signed copy of The Woman who Braved All.Chapter 17, Bertie's flat
  4. Bertie suffers through The Woman who Braved All just before a note arrives inviting him to lunch with Bittlesham.Chapter 17, Bertie's flat
  5. Melted by the novel, Lord Bittlesham restores Bingo's allowance but cools on the marriage when he learns the waitress is not the same one as before.Chapter 17
  6. Bertie reports the allowance won but the blessing wobbly, and Bingo blames him and hints that things are awkward.Chapter 17, Bertie's flat
  7. Bingo drifts in with a flower in his buttonhole, babbles, and announces that he is married.Chapters 17–18, Bertie's flat

Chapter 18: All’s Well

  1. Bingo drifts in with a flower in his buttonhole, babbles, and announces that he is married.Continued from chapter 17
  2. Bertie meets the quietly dressed bride in the hall and the three take a taxi.Chapter 18
  3. Bertie quotes The Woman who Braved All at Lord Bittlesham, who thinks Bertie is its author, is won over and consents to Bingo's marriage.Chapter 18, No. 16, Pounceby Gardens
  4. Bingo bursts in to say his bride revealed herself as Rosie M. Banks, and his uncle, realising he was hoaxed, called her an impostor.Chapter 18, Bertie's flatThere was the dickens of a painful scene. The old boy nearly got apoplexy. Called her an impostor. They both started talking at the top of their voices.
  5. Bingo phones to say his allowance is stopped and both his uncle and wife are coming to demand explanations, so Jeeves packs Bertie off to shoot in Norfolk while he stays to pacify the parties.Chapter 18, Bertie's flat
  6. Bertie spends a rainy, jumpy week in Norfolk and decides to go home and lie low.Chapter 18, Norfolk
  7. Lord Bittlesham opens Bingo's door and flees in fright, and Bingo explains that Jeeves fixed everything by telling the old man Bertie is a lunatic who believes he is Rosie M. Banks, with Sir Roderick Glossop backing it up.Chapter 18, Bingo's flatIt wasn't one of the cheeriest moments of my career when I found myself peering into the globular face of Lord Bittlesham.
  8. Bertie comes home resolved to sack Jeeves, but is softened by the perfect order of the flat and the whisky and cannot bring himself to say a word.Chapter 18, Bertie's flat