The Wooster Papers

Books

Very Good, Jeeves

1930. 11 chapters, 98 scenes.

Chapter 1: Jeeves and the Impending Doom

  1. Over breakfast Bertie frets about Aunt Agatha's mysterious invitation and receives an unsigned telegram from Woollam Chersey telling him to meet perfect strangers.Chapter 1An illustration
  2. Aunt Agatha orders Bertie to impress the Cabinet Minister Mr Filmer and to give up smoking, drinking and frivolous talk.Chapter 1, Woollam CherseyYou will endeavour, while you are here, not to display yourself in the rôle of a vapid and frivolous wastrel.
  3. Bertie finds Bingo Little in the garden, tutoring young Thomas, who begs Bertie to treat him as a stranger lest Aunt Agatha sack him, then dives into a laurel bush.Chapter 1, the garden
  4. Bertie tells Jeeves the telegram was from Bingo and laments the ban on smoking and drinking.Chapter 1, Bertie's room at Woollam Chersey
  5. After days of golf with Filmer, Bertie hears Bingo confess he lost Rosie's housekeeping money on a horse and fears Thomas's planned revenge on Filmer will get him sacked.Chapter 1, Bertie's room at Woollam CherseyBertie, said Bingo, "how is Jeeves's brain these days?" "Fairly strong on the wing, I fancy. How is the grey matter, Jeeves?
  6. With a tennis party looming, Jeeves reports that Thomas has been reading Treasure Island and admiring Captain Flint, while fussing over Bertie's tie.Chapter 1, Bertie's room at Woollam Chersey
  7. At the tennis party Bingo falls into his tennis trance and forgets Thomas, until a thunderstorm breaks.Chapter 1, the tennis lawn
  8. Filmer is missing from tea; Aunt Agatha sends Bertie out with a raincoat, and Jeeves reveals Thomas has marooned Filmer on the island.Chapter 1, the drawing room
  9. Bertie rows to the island, is chased up the Octagon by a nesting swan to sit beside Filmer in the rain, until Jeeves disposes of the swan; Filmer then concludes Thomas set his boat adrift.Chapter 1, the islandBefore I knew what I was doing I had begun the climb for life.
  10. Bertie reports Filmer's rescue and takes a hot bath, where Purvis says Aunt Agatha wants to see him.Chapter 1, Woollam Chersey
  11. Jeeves reveals he saved Bingo by telling Filmer that Bertie set the boat adrift, which also scuppers Aunt Agatha's plan to make Bertie Filmer's secretary, and proposes escape down the waterpipe.Chapter 1, Bertie's room at Woollam CherseyI pointed out," said Jeeves, "that you were a light-hearted young gentleman who might well do such a thing as a practical joke.

Chapter 2: The Inferiority Complex of Old Sippy

  1. Bertie overrules Jeeves's criticism of the dragon vase he bought at auction and goes off to see Sippy.Chapter 2, Bertie's flat
  2. Sippy confesses his love for Gwendolen Moon, then quails before his old headmaster Waterbury, who presses his articles on him.Chapter 2, The Mayfair Gazette offices
  3. Bertie lays Sippy's inferiority complex before Jeeves, who asks for time to think.Chapter 2, Bertie's flat
  4. Over tea in bed Bertie rejects Jeeves's idea of a feigned injury and orders flour for a booby-trap to humiliate Waterbury.Chapter 2, Bertie's flat
  5. Bertie describes the Gazette offices, lunches well, sends the office-boy off to Cricklewood and sets the flour over the Inquiries door.Chapter 2, The Mayfair Gazette offices
  6. Waterbury dodges the trap by the private door; a radiant Sippy arrives, rejects his article and announces his engagement to Gwendolen.Chapter 2, The Mayfair Gazette offices
  7. Jeeves explains he lured Sippy to the flat, coshed him with the putter, summoned Gwendolen and smashed the vase as cover.Chapter 2, the street
  8. Going back for his hat by the wrong door, Bertie is covered in his own flour.Chapter 2, The Mayfair Gazette offices

Chapter 3: Jeeves and the Yule-Tide Spirit

  1. Over breakfast Bertie tells a disappointed Jeeves that Monte Carlo is off in favour of Christmas at Skeldings, and Aunt Agatha telephones to warn him that Sir Roderick Glossop will be there.Chapter 3An illustrationAn illustrationDon't keep on saying ' Hullo?'" yipped the old relative in her customary curt manner.
  2. At Skeldings Bertie explains he came to avenge himself on Tuppy and because he loves Bobbie Wickham, and Jeeves says red-haired, frivolous Miss Wickham is no wife for him.Chapter 3, the Clock RoomRoberta welcomed me with a warmth which, I'm bound to say, had set the old heart-strings futtering a bit.This fiend in human shape left me hanging in the void with no means of getting, ashore to my home and loved ones.Red hair, sir, in my opinion, is dangerous." I eyed the blighter squarely. " Jeeves," " I said, "you're talking rot.
  3. Dressing for dinner, Bertie crows that Bobbie has suggested puncturing Tuppy's hot-water bottle with a needle on a stick, and has Jeeves find out that Tuppy sleeps in the Moat Room.Chapter 3, the Clock RoomRoberta Wickham was suggesting the ripest, fruitiest, brainiest scheme for bringing young Tuppy's grey hairs in sorrow to the grave.
  4. Bertie creeps into the Moat Room and punctures the hot-water bottle, only to find it is Sir Roderick's, who has swapped rooms with Tuppy; caught by his dressing-gown in the door, he is hauled back, called insane, and left in the soaked room while Sir Roderick takes his bed.Chapter 3, the Moat RoomI turned the handle, found the door wasn't locked, and went in.THE NEXT MOMENT THE DOOR HAD OPENED, LIGHT WAS STREAMING THROUGH IT, AND THE BLOKE WITH THE VOICE HAD GRABBED ME BY THE ARM.He had lifted the sheets and was gazing at the corpse of the hot-water bottle. "Did you do this?" he said in a low, strangled sort of voice.
  5. After a sleepless night Bertie learns that Jeeves kept quiet to save him from Honoria, that Bobbie also sent Tuppy to puncture Bertie's bottle (with Sir Roderick on it), and that the Monte Carlo booking was never cancelled.Chapter 3, the Moat RoomJeeves was standing beside me with a cup of tea on a tray. " Merry Christmas, sir !It appears that young Mr. Glossop received the suggestion from the young lady. " From Miss Wickham?" " Yes, sir.

Chapter 4: Jeeves and the Song of Songs

  1. Tuppy Glossop calls while Bertie is singing in his bath, announces he is practically engaged to Cora Bellinger, and asks Bertie to deny the Drones practical-joke story to her over lunch.Chapter 4, Bertie's flatAn illustrationSLIPPING A COUPLE OF TOWELS ABOUT THE LIMBS AND TORSO, I MADE FOR THE SITTING-ROOM, AND FOUND YOUNG TUPPY AT THE PIANO.
  2. After lunch with the massive Cora, Tuppy reveals he means to win her by singing 'Sonny Boy' at Beefy Bingham's East End entertainment, then bolts on hearing Aunt Dahlia is coming.Chapter 4, Bertie's flat
  3. Aunt Dahlia complains that Tuppy has dropped Angela for Cora Bellinger and tells Bertie to have Jeeves break up the affair.Chapter 4, Bertie's flatWhen I had done half the trip I found Tuppy had looped the last rope back, leaving me no alternative but to drop into the depths.
  4. Jeeves proposes that Bertie sing 'Sonny Boy' just before Tuppy so the audience gives Tuppy the bird before Cora; Bertie refuses, but Aunt Dahlia's pressure prevails and he signs up with Beefy.Chapter 4, Bertie's flatBertie," said Aunt Dahlia, firmly, " you will sing 'Sonny Boy' on Tuesday, the third prox., or may an aunt's curse-
  5. Bertie, primed at the Goat and Grapes, scrapes through 'Sonny Boy'; Tuppy follows and is pelted off the stage with vegetables, but Cora has not yet arrived to see it.Chapter 4, the Oddfellows' HallThe moment I saw that banana splash on Tuppy's shirt-front I realized how infinitely more effective and artistic it was than any potato could have been.
  6. A black-eyed Tuppy drops Cora and goes back to Angela, and Jeeves reveals he tricked Cora into singing 'Sonny Boy' too, so that she got the bird and struck Tuppy, thinking he had played a practical joke on her.Chapter 4, Bertie's flatI observed Miss Bellinger strike Mr. Glossop in the eye.

Chapter 5: Episode of the Dog Mcintosh

  1. Woken by McIntosh, Bertie learns Aunt Agatha returns that evening and agrees to Bobbie Wickham's request to give lunch to her and two friends, despite Jeeves's disapproval.Chapter 5, Bertie's flatAn illustrationIN SHIMMERED JEEVES, COMPLETE WITH TEA-TRAY AND PRECEDED BY DOG. WHICH LEAPED UPON THE BED
  2. Bobbie reveals the guests are Blumenfeld and his dreadful son, to whom she will read her mother's play, and on Jeeves's advice Bertie flees before the boy can insult him, meeting them at the door.Chapter 5, the sitting-roomThe kid had recognized me. "Where are you off to?" he said.Ha, ha!" I said, and legged it for the great open spaces.
  3. Telephoning from the Drones, Bertie hears the lunch was a triumph and the play sold, but Bobbie confesses she gave McIntosh to the Blumenfeld child.Chapter 5, the Drones Club
  4. Back at the flat Bertie breaks the news, and Jeeves devises a plan for Bertie to slip into the Blumenfelds' Savoy suite while Bobbie is there and lure the dog out with aniseed.Chapter 5, Bertie's flat
  5. Bertie races out for aniseed and returns to hear from Jeeves that Bobbie will be admitted to the suite.Chapter 5, Bertie's flatI don't know what the record is for popping out and buying aniseed, but I should think I hold it.
  6. At the Savoy Bobbie opens the suite door, McIntosh rushes to Bertie's aniseed-scented trousers, and Bertie takes him home by cab.Chapter 5, the Savoy
  7. With Bertie hiding behind the settee, Jeeves convinces the furious Blumenfeld that Bertie is a dangerous lunatic who hates fat men, sells him a substitute terrier for a fiver, and Bertie happily takes Aunt Agatha's call.Chapter 5, the sitting-roomThere was a sound like a mighty, rushing wind and something extraordinarily substantial bounded into the sitting-room.

Chapter 6: The Spot of Art

  1. Bertie tells Aunt Dahlia he cannot come on her yacht cruise because he loves Gwladys Pendlebury, and she bets him Jeeves will stop the match, get rid of the portrait and have him aboard the yacht.Chapter 6, Aunt Dahlia's London houseAn illustration
  2. Jeeves admits disliking the portrait's hungry look and reports that Gwladys ran over Lucius Pim outside, who now lies in Bertie's spare bedroom with a broken leg.Chapter 6, the sitting-roomJeeves was in the sitting-room looking at the portrait.
  3. Pim, comfortably installed in Bertie's pyjamas, makes Bertie promise to keep from his sister that Gwladys was driving the car.Chapter 6, the spare bedroomHe waved the cigarette at me in what I considered a dashed patronizing manner.
  4. Bertie tells Jeeves to back up Pim's story and decides to spend the next day in Brighton so Gwladys won't compare him with the interesting invalid.Chapter 6, the sitting-room
  5. Back from Brighton, Bertie learns Gwladys stayed four hours and Mrs Slingsby called him a feckless idiot.Chapter 6, Bertie's flat
  6. Pim reveals he told his sister Bertie ran him over while tight, and advises him to sweeten her with roses before her husband sues.Chapter 6, the spare bedroom
  7. Bertie sends roses to Hill Street, then practises putting while awaiting Mrs Slingsby, but Jeeves announces Mr Slingsby.Chapter 6, the sitting-room
  8. Slingsby accuses Bertie of pursuing his wife with roses, charges at him when Beatrice appears, trips on the golf-ball and crashes into the wall, and Bertie flees to Paris, telling Jeeves to sweeten the Slingsbys.Chapter 6, the sitting-roomHe sprang forward, trod on the golf-ball, and took one of the finest tasses I have ever witnessed.
  9. Returning from Paris, Bertie sees his portrait on a huge Slingsby's Superb Soups poster, gazing greedily at a plate of soup.Chapter 6, Sloane SquareI was glancing idly this way and that, when suddenly my eye was caught by something that looked familiar.
  10. Jeeves explains he bought off Slingsby's lawsuit with the portrait, that Gwladys is engaged to Pim, and that he has booked Bertie on Aunt Dahlia's postponed cruise.Chapter 6, Bertie's flat

Chapter 7: Jeeves and the Kid Clementina

  1. At the Splendide Bertie insists on his loud new plus-fours against Jeeves's disapproval and announces he has accepted Bobbie Wickham's invitation to Antibes.Chapter 7, the SplendideAn illustration
  2. Knocked out of the golf in the first round, Bertie meets Bobbie on the pier and, ignoring Jeeves's warning looks, agrees to give her and her cousin Clementina dinner and take the child back to school.Chapter 7, the pierIn mourning?" she asked, eyeing the trouserings. "Rather natty, aren't they?" I said, following her gaze.
  3. Over dinner at the Splendide Clementina proves a saintly, admiring child.Chapter 7, the SplendideWith the aid of a fork and two peas I explained to her how my opponent that afternoon had stymied me on the tenth.
  4. Bobbie reveals that Clementina is out without leave from Miss Mapleton's school and gives Bertie the string-and-flower-pot plan, which Bertie passes off to Jeeves as his own, refusing to hear Jeeves's alternative.Chapter 7, the Marine PlazaI returned to Jeeves, who was showing the kid Clementina how to make a rabbit with a pocket-handkerchief.
  5. Losing his nerve, Bertie climbs the cedar with a flower-pot and is caught up the tree by a policeman, until Jeeves appears with a story of intruders.Chapter 7, the gardenA SUDDEN BRIGHT LIGHT SHONE UPON ME FROM BELOW AND A VOICE SPOKE. "HOI" IT SAID. IT WAS A POLICEMAN
  6. Miss Mapleton, primed by Jeeves, hails Bertie as a gallant burglar-hunter, scolds the policeman, and when the flower-pot crashes through the conservatory sends him off to investigate.Chapter 7, Miss Mapleton's studyThere, standing behind a desk, with the steel-rimmed spectacles glittering as nastily as on the day when I had seen them across Aunt Agatha's luncheon- table, was the boss in person. cRong, i
  7. Jeeves explains he slipped Clementina in by the back door while seeing Miss Mapleton, and the grateful Bertie cancels Antibes and gives up the plus-fours.Chapter 7, St Monica's

Chapter 8: The Love That Purifies

  1. With Jeeves off on holiday, Bertie dodges Sippy's invitation to amuse the Moons and gladly accepts a wired invitation to Aunt Dahlia's.Chapter 8An illustration
  2. Bertie arrives at Brinkley Court and is greeted from the smoking-room window by old Mr Anstruther.Chapter 8, Brinkley Court
  3. Aunt Dahlia explains that she has bet Anatole on Bonzo against Thos in Anstruther's Good Conduct contest, and Bertie vows to scupper Thos without Jeeves.Chapter 8, the Brinkley drawing-room
  4. Bertie plans to goad Thos into an outrage on himself and gets Anstruther to agree such a prank would cost twenty marks.Chapter 8, the smoking-room
  5. Bertie taunts Thos about his weight and his new school's mortar-boards, but the saintly boy just smiles.Chapter 8, the summer-houseWell, young Thos.," I said. "So there you are. You're getting as fat as a pig.
  6. Anstruther tells Bertie that Thos walked to the station for his Sporting Times and has earned a twenty-mark bonus.Chapter 8, Brinkley Court
  7. Aunt Dahlia reports Snettisham's attempt to bribe Bonzo, and the baffled Bertie agrees to wire for Jeeves.Chapter 8, Brinkley Court
  8. Jeeves returns from holiday and proposes inviting golden-curled Sebastian Moon to provoke Thos.Chapter 8, Brinkley CourtSo there you have it, Jeeves," I said. "The problem is one that will exercise your intelligence to the utmost.
  9. Sebastian arrives, Thos's eyes gleam at the sight of him, and Bertie plans to have the boys left alone on a country ramble.Chapter 8, Brinkley CourtHIS WHOLE APPEARANCE SEEMED TO CALL ALOUD TO ANY RIGHT-MINDED BOY TO LURE HIM INTO A QUIET SPOT AND INFLICT VIOLENCE UPON HIM.
  10. Instead of attacking Sebastian, Thos carries him home piggy-back, to Anstruther's deep approval.Chapter 8, the terraceI was chatting with old Mr. Anstruther when suddenly the two kids hove in view.
  11. Jeeves reveals that Thos is reformed not by greed but by love of Greta Garbo, and Bertie resigns himself to losing Anatole.Chapter 8, Bertie's room at Brinkley
  12. Anatole cooks better than ever while the Snettishams gloat at dinner and Anstruther's visit runs out.Chapter 8, Brinkley Court
  13. From Bertie's window they watch Thos, enraged by Sebastian's slighting of Garbo at Jeeves's prompting, drench Anstruther with a bucket and get thrashed, losing the contest.Chapter 8, Bertie's room at BrinkleyThos. moved adroitly to one side, and, poising the bucket for an instant, discharged its contents.

Chapter 9: Jeeves and the Old School Chum

  1. Over breakfast at Bingo's new country house, Bertie is invited back for the Lakenham races and Mrs Bingo announces that her school friend Laura Pyke is coming to stay.Chapter 9, Bingo's houseAn illustration
  2. Driving away, Bertie praises the Bingos to Jeeves as a thoroughly united couple, unaware of the coming storm.Chapter 9
  3. Bertie returns to find Bingo miserable: Laura Pyke is a food crank who has Rosie in thrall, and there are no cocktails and no beefsteak puddings.Chapter 9, Bertie's room at Bingo's
  4. At a meagre dinner the Pyke lectures on food and holds up Bingo's eating as the awful example.Chapter 9, Bingo's house
  5. Over biscuits, Bertie explains to Jeeves that the Pyke's criticism threatens the Bingo marriage and tells him to study her at the races.Chapter 9, Bertie's room at Bingo's
  6. Bertie has Jeeves pack extra sandwiches, and a jaunty Bingo describes the lavish lunch-basket he has supervised.Chapter 9, Bingo's house
  7. The luncheon-basket has been left behind; Rosie meekly accepts it, the men eat Jeeves's sandwiches behind a hedge, and Jeeves confesses he left the basket on purpose.Chapter 9, Lakenham racesI have never seen the sunshine fade out of anybody's face as quickly as it did out of Bingo's. He uttered a sharp, wailing cry.
  8. Bertie spends a hungry, bored afternoon thinking hard thoughts of Jeeves until Mrs Bingo asks him to drive her and Laura home early for tea.Chapter 9, Lakenham races
  9. The Bingos' car runs out of petrol on a lonely by-road, Rosie and the Pyke start to bicker over Bingo, and a householder whose baby Bertie's honking nearly woke threatens him and refuses petrol.Chapter 9, NorfolkTHE PYKE TURNED ON ME LIKE A WOUNDED LEOPARDESS. "WELL." SHE SAID. "AREN'T YOU PROPOSING TO DO ANYTHING. MR. WOOSTERWhat I want," I said, "is petrol." "What you'll get," said the bloke, "is a thick ear.
  10. Bertie meets Bingo and Jeeves coming in his car, and he and Bingo creep back to overhear Rosie and the Pyke in a full-scale row raking up their schooldays.Chapter 9, NorfolkI had never listened in on a real, genuine Iemale row before, and I'm bound to say it was pretty impressive.
  11. The Pyke leaves to catch her train, Bingo bullies the Bandit into giving Rosie tea by threatening to wake his baby, wins back her adoration, and reveals that Jeeves drained the petrol to start the row.Chapter 9, Norfolk

Chapter 10: Indian Summer of an Uncle

  1. Bertie describes his fat, liverish clubman Uncle George, the last man you'd expect to fall in love.Chapter 10
  2. Uncle George simpers in Bertie's mirror and announces he means to marry, Agatha or no Agatha.Chapter 10, Bertie's flat
  3. Jeeves reveals the girl is Rhoda Platt, a Buffers waitress, and Bertie orders packing for flight before Aunt Agatha arrives.Chapter 10, Bertie's flat
  4. Aunt Agatha refuses to consult Jeeves and bullies Bertie into going to East Dulwich with a blank cheque to buy off the girl.Chapter 10, Bertie's flat
  5. Rhoda's aunt mistakes Bertie for the doctor and shows him her knee, and Bertie loses his nerve and never offers the money.Chapter 10, Wistaria Lodge
  6. Aunt Agatha scolds Bertie's failure, Jeeves suggests confronting Uncle George with the aunt, and Bertie defies Aunt Agatha by arranging a lunch.Chapter 10, Bertie's flat
  7. Mrs Wilberforce turns out to be Maudie, Uncle George's old barmaid, and the two are reunited over the linings of their stomachs while Bertie flees to the Drones.Chapter 10, Bertie's flat
  8. Aunt Agatha phones, delighted that Uncle George is dropping the girl, unaware he is to marry Mrs Wilberforce of East Dulwich.Chapter 10, the Drones Club
  9. Jeeves admits he knew Maudie was the barmaid and acted for Smethurst, and Bertie agrees to flee before Aunt Agatha finds out.Chapter 10, Bertie's flat

Chapter 11: The Ordeal of Young Tuppy

  1. Bertie finds Jeeves packing for Christmas and cheers him on.Chapter 11, Bertie's flatAn illustration
  2. Bertie explains why he chose Sir Reginald Witherspoon's Bleaching Court for Christmas: Tuppy Glossop will be there, and he has vowed revenge for the swimming-bath trick at the Drones.Chapter 11
  3. Tuppy wires for his football boots and an Irish water-spaniel, and Aunt Dahlia arrives to say he is flirting with a dog-girl after quarrelling with Angela, ordering Bertie to scrap his pranks and set Jeeves on it.Chapter 11, Bertie's flatJeeves," I said, and I did not trouble to conceal my chagrin, you need not pack the Luminous Rabbit nor the Giant Squirt.
  4. Driving to Bleaching, Bertie and Jeeves come upon Tuppy courting the dog-girl among her dogs, and Tuppy plainly wants them gone.Chapter 11, Upper BleachingMy friend, Bertie Wooster," said Tuppy to the girl, in what seemed to me rather an apologetic manner. You know—as if he would have preferred to hush me up.
  5. Tuppy says he is playing for Upper Bleaching to please Miss Dalgleish, and Jeeves reports the servants' view that the match is more a brawl than a game.Chapter 11, Bertie's room at Bleaching Court
  6. Bertie urges Tuppy to fake a sprained ankle, but Tuppy, declaring this is true love, is all the keener to shine before his lady.Chapter 11, Tuppy's room
  7. Bertie reflects on the bitter feud between the two villages and the ghoulish relish for Thursday's game.Chapter 11
  8. Bertie visits Hockley-cum-Meston and is appalled by the brawny locals talking at the Green Pig.Chapter 11, the Green Pig
  9. Bertie and Jeeves draft a fake telegram from Dahlia Travers saying Angela is seriously ill and calling for Tuppy, to arrive at two-thirty mid-match.Chapter 11, Bleaching Court
  10. Tuppy is flattened over and over by the red-haired man, Bertie finds he has left the telegram in his other coat, and Tuppy turns tiger, crocks his tormentor and scores the winning try.Chapter 11, the football-fieldTUPPY WAS JUST STANDING THERE, LOOKING MODEST, WHEN THERE WAS A THUNDER OF LARGE FEET AND THE RED-HAIRED BIRD, GALLOPING UP, SEIZED HIM BY THE NECK, HURLED HIM TO EARTH, AND FELL ON HIM.
  11. Tuppy, crushed that Miss Dalgleish skipped the match to chase a water-spaniel, reads the telegram, forgives Angela and dashes to London in Bertie's car, and Bertie learns Jeeves made the phone call and warned Aunt Dahlia.Chapter 11, Bertie's room at Bleaching CourtI handed the telegram over, watching him narrowly. And suddenly, as he read, I saw him wobble. Stirred to the core. Obviously.